Laws Of Kindness

On Saturday September 18, 2010 a dream of mine came true, I attended a Beth Moore Living Proof Live event. In January of 2000 I delivered a stillborn son, Thaddeus Ace, 2 months after I was baptised. I was a new Christian and could not reconcile why God would allow that to happen to our family. I struggled with the my relationship with God and decided to walk away from the church.

In the fall of 2005 my friend Lucy U. invited me to a Wednesday morning bible study at her church. The study was a DVD presentation of Beth Moore, I had no idea who she was. I have not missed a Wednesday morning study since. We have had a variety of studies but Beth is my favorite. I have one of her books on my iPod and I will listen to it until I drift off, over and over.

Beth is based in Houston, Lucy moved to there a few years ago so I thought I would one day attend her study during a visit with Lucy. Nine months a go I was surfing her website and learned she was coming to Chicago, I put it on my calender. During my spring bible study the leaders of our church asked for volunteers to help organize efforts of women who would be interested in attending. I was happy to help. During the training with her staff we were told of opportunities to help at the event, yes was my first thought. After I read the description of the jobs I chose "Encourager", which meant I would pray with women who felt move by the event to ask for encouragement. There would be a call to prayer and we would be waiting to place a hand on their shoulder and pray with them. I feel like I freshman prayer surrounded by master level women. That position allowed me to serve, not miss any of the event and get preferred seating.

That morning I had some minor set backs but I was so excited that I just smiled and stayed focused, the enemy was not going to win. During the morning training session I listened to the job description and started plotting how I could change jobs. I was convinced that I would be babbling like an idiot and turn those women away from the church. The trainer said God will pair you a woman that you can relate to, "trust me it works out that way".

I was seated in the fourth row behind the orchestra pit. When she appeared on stage it was like I was seeing an old friend. The title of the study was "Laws Of Kindness". She presented 8 steps of being kind. One step was "Don't Mistake Kindness for Weakness", it hit home because I had just sent an email with that title. I was a very difficult email to write, it took me 45 minutes and I only sent a few lines. I kept editing the message, my first thought was to go out of character and use harsh language but like Beth said I was conscience of the fact that our words can be passed on and on in the modern age and that is just not me.

There I was taking notes on my lap just like I have seen women do in so many DVD's. I tried to relax and take it all in, enjoy the moment. Travis Cottrell and the Praise Team opened the show, they were singing all the songs I have learned at church, my eyes filled with tears, I was home.

Just before our final break Beth called for women that felt the need for prayer to make their way down to one of the women in the blue vest, yikes that was me. I got very scared. I was not ready, I had no idea what I could say to women seeking the comfort of prayer. I thought about my bible studies when everyone closes the sessions in prayer and those women are rock stars, why had I volunteered for this task? I was thinking that since there were so many encouragers I may not get anyone in my line. I grabbed a hand full of tissues and I waited. It took sometime but as the worship team's singing filled the room with something good, the lines started forming and suddenly there was a woman headed toward me, help!

I asked her name and where she was from. Anita was from Ohio and had a friend standing behind her. She talked about being in an unhealthy relationship, wow, I know a little something about that considering my first marriage. I got nervous , forgot her name but asked her to repeat it then I started praying. At some point I mentioned Thaddeus and my separation from God. Suddenly I was using the tissues I had intended for my "customers". We were hugging because the music was very loud, amazing feeling. She sat down and there was no one in my line. I got more tissue and focused on the moment. Suddenly I was convicted about my relationship with my daughter and I started crying. As a mom we struggle at different times with all our children. A beautiful woman approached me, she was about my age, stylish and fit, age was all we had in common. She wanted me to pray for her 20 year old daughter Jessica who she feared was an alcoholic. Bingo! We started chatting and praying. Her daughter has traits like mine, type A, driven and doing well in school. She and Jessica had an open relationship, no secrets but with her 21st birthday approaching she feared that her daughter would soon hit bottom and maybe have an accident. I again used the tissue but offered her some first. I will never forget those women. A woman came to collect my blue vest and I made a joke about wanting to keep it, I had survived.

I went back to my seat to grab the gift I made for Beth, for 8 hours I was wrestling with how to get the gift to her or should I just mail it later. I was so moved by the moment I knew that I may never get such a time as this (Esther study) to express what she means to me. I stayed up until 2 am preparing a little compact and a letter. I spotted the trainer just before she closed the back stage area and told her I was losing my nerve but I really wanted Beth to have my gift. She was very sincere when she said she would make sure Beth got my gift.

If you love Jesus and know the bible go to Beth Moore Live, if you love Jesus and don't have a clue about the bible go see Beth Moore Live, if you don't have a personal relationship with God, go see Beth Moore Live. I have seen those Dead Heads in Grant park that give up their lives to travel with the Grateful Dead (I don't get it) but I could see how a person would want to be surrounded by that energy of thousands of women and "a few brave men" worshiping together. For years I wondered if she took multiple takes to get the perfect DVD presentation and after seeing her live I am convinced she has been anointed by God to lead bible studies, she's flawless and her message is God breathed.

My only regret was that I did not share the experience with a friend or family member, I will next time.

"Let's Roll"

Next year the 10th anniversary of 9-11 will fall on a Sunday, that is no coincidence. We all have our stories of where we were and how that time was different from anytime in our recent memory. Today there are so many tributes to what took place that day but the most important monument has yet to be erected. I still find it unbelievable that those towers were not rebuilt stronger and taller as a message to our enemies that we are Americans and we can not be defeated by evil. I can only speculate why that area remains empty, is there so much pain tied to that day, are there so many groups passionate about what should be done that they are unable to work together. I believe that some leaders think we were asking for 9-11 because we are arrogant, capitalist, so proud of our country. Maybe they feel if we rebuild we are again asking to be a target. We were minding our business that day when nearly 3000 people left their homes and never returned. We need to accept that we can never appease evil groups that want to eliminate us just because we are free. If we don't rebuild we are still targets but we are also showing them that they won. Tod Beamer 's "Let's Roll" was a phrase that gave us chills, what happened to that feeling of nothing can keep us down. I pray that New York will be led by leaders that understand what those towers meant to the world. I pray that in 365 days we will be talking about the ground breaking ceremony of the new twin towers.