I have not been Catholic for many years but Christmas Eve will always take me back to those unforgettable midnight mass services at Our Lady Of Lourdes on the corner of 15th and Keeler in Chicago. My sister and I were members of the student choir, we attended O.L.O.L grade school across the street. They never held tryouts or evaluations and for that I am happy, I would have never made the cut. I wish that God had given me the gift of beautiful voice or at least one decent enough to sing a lullaby without my son placing his hand over my mouth to quiet the screeching.
We would give up Saturday mornings for weeks in preparation of this very special service. Midnight mass was guaranteed to pack the house forcing parishioners to stand in the rarely used balcony. We always shopped for a new outfit which included shoes. One year my step-mom took us to Madigans, I got a 2 piece light tweed suit and my sister Marvine chose a red and cream sweater dress, our shoes were a perfect match. My mother made sure our hair was flawless.
The church was dimly lit with the warm glow of candles. Poinsettias were placed on every flat surface. Father Cross wore festive robes and "Rejoice" banners hung from the ceiling. The mood in the sanctuary was different from Sunday services, there was feeling of quiet peace. I wish I could remember the woman's name, she was a member of the adult choir. She wore a short Afro, tasteful make-up and large fashion earrings, she sang like an angel. One hymn that silenced the entire church every time she sang the words. "Oh Come, Oh Come Emanuel" still gives me chills though I have not heard anyone do it justice since my last midnight mass. The woman's voice was so strong and penetrating. When she bellowed "REJOICE, REJOICE, Emanuel" every space was filled with her rich deep voice, she never failed to bring me to tears. The coveted lead part of "Amen" was always given to an older female member of the children's choir, not me. My absolute favorite part of the night was when the entire choir sang "Hark How The Bells" in full harmony. The school principal was the director of the choir, she had spent many hours correcting our errors but that night she smiled with pride. In the 70's all nuns could play piano and or guitar all while spanking you for talking back, good times.
When the mass ended we rushed home because my mother allowed us to open our gifts that night. We joined the our dear friends from chior who lived downstairs and played with our newly gained loot until the sun came up. Bowls of mixed nuts in the shell, my step-dad Robert singing Nat King Cole with such confidence and midnight mass are all part of my wonderful Christmas memories.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Laws Of Kindness
On Saturday September 18, 2010 a dream of mine came true, I attended a Beth Moore Living Proof Live event. In January of 2000 I delivered a stillborn son, Thaddeus Ace, 2 months after I was baptised. I was a new Christian and could not reconcile why God would allow that to happen to our family. I struggled with the my relationship with God and decided to walk away from the church.
In the fall of 2005 my friend Lucy U. invited me to a Wednesday morning bible study at her church. The study was a DVD presentation of Beth Moore, I had no idea who she was. I have not missed a Wednesday morning study since. We have had a variety of studies but Beth is my favorite. I have one of her books on my iPod and I will listen to it until I drift off, over and over.
Beth is based in Houston, Lucy moved to there a few years ago so I thought I would one day attend her study during a visit with Lucy. Nine months a go I was surfing her website and learned she was coming to Chicago, I put it on my calender. During my spring bible study the leaders of our church asked for volunteers to help organize efforts of women who would be interested in attending. I was happy to help. During the training with her staff we were told of opportunities to help at the event, yes was my first thought. After I read the description of the jobs I chose "Encourager", which meant I would pray with women who felt move by the event to ask for encouragement. There would be a call to prayer and we would be waiting to place a hand on their shoulder and pray with them. I feel like I freshman prayer surrounded by master level women. That position allowed me to serve, not miss any of the event and get preferred seating.
That morning I had some minor set backs but I was so excited that I just smiled and stayed focused, the enemy was not going to win. During the morning training session I listened to the job description and started plotting how I could change jobs. I was convinced that I would be babbling like an idiot and turn those women away from the church. The trainer said God will pair you a woman that you can relate to, "trust me it works out that way".
I was seated in the fourth row behind the orchestra pit. When she appeared on stage it was like I was seeing an old friend. The title of the study was "Laws Of Kindness". She presented 8 steps of being kind. One step was "Don't Mistake Kindness for Weakness", it hit home because I had just sent an email with that title. I was a very difficult email to write, it took me 45 minutes and I only sent a few lines. I kept editing the message, my first thought was to go out of character and use harsh language but like Beth said I was conscience of the fact that our words can be passed on and on in the modern age and that is just not me.
There I was taking notes on my lap just like I have seen women do in so many DVD's. I tried to relax and take it all in, enjoy the moment. Travis Cottrell and the Praise Team opened the show, they were singing all the songs I have learned at church, my eyes filled with tears, I was home.
Just before our final break Beth called for women that felt the need for prayer to make their way down to one of the women in the blue vest, yikes that was me. I got very scared. I was not ready, I had no idea what I could say to women seeking the comfort of prayer. I thought about my bible studies when everyone closes the sessions in prayer and those women are rock stars, why had I volunteered for this task? I was thinking that since there were so many encouragers I may not get anyone in my line. I grabbed a hand full of tissues and I waited. It took sometime but as the worship team's singing filled the room with something good, the lines started forming and suddenly there was a woman headed toward me, help!
I asked her name and where she was from. Anita was from Ohio and had a friend standing behind her. She talked about being in an unhealthy relationship, wow, I know a little something about that considering my first marriage. I got nervous , forgot her name but asked her to repeat it then I started praying. At some point I mentioned Thaddeus and my separation from God. Suddenly I was using the tissues I had intended for my "customers". We were hugging because the music was very loud, amazing feeling. She sat down and there was no one in my line. I got more tissue and focused on the moment. Suddenly I was convicted about my relationship with my daughter and I started crying. As a mom we struggle at different times with all our children. A beautiful woman approached me, she was about my age, stylish and fit, age was all we had in common. She wanted me to pray for her 20 year old daughter Jessica who she feared was an alcoholic. Bingo! We started chatting and praying. Her daughter has traits like mine, type A, driven and doing well in school. She and Jessica had an open relationship, no secrets but with her 21st birthday approaching she feared that her daughter would soon hit bottom and maybe have an accident. I again used the tissue but offered her some first. I will never forget those women. A woman came to collect my blue vest and I made a joke about wanting to keep it, I had survived.
I went back to my seat to grab the gift I made for Beth, for 8 hours I was wrestling with how to get the gift to her or should I just mail it later. I was so moved by the moment I knew that I may never get such a time as this (Esther study) to express what she means to me. I stayed up until 2 am preparing a little compact and a letter. I spotted the trainer just before she closed the back stage area and told her I was losing my nerve but I really wanted Beth to have my gift. She was very sincere when she said she would make sure Beth got my gift.
If you love Jesus and know the bible go to Beth Moore Live, if you love Jesus and don't have a clue about the bible go see Beth Moore Live, if you don't have a personal relationship with God, go see Beth Moore Live. I have seen those Dead Heads in Grant park that give up their lives to travel with the Grateful Dead (I don't get it) but I could see how a person would want to be surrounded by that energy of thousands of women and "a few brave men" worshiping together. For years I wondered if she took multiple takes to get the perfect DVD presentation and after seeing her live I am convinced she has been anointed by God to lead bible studies, she's flawless and her message is God breathed.
My only regret was that I did not share the experience with a friend or family member, I will next time.
In the fall of 2005 my friend Lucy U. invited me to a Wednesday morning bible study at her church. The study was a DVD presentation of Beth Moore, I had no idea who she was. I have not missed a Wednesday morning study since. We have had a variety of studies but Beth is my favorite. I have one of her books on my iPod and I will listen to it until I drift off, over and over.
Beth is based in Houston, Lucy moved to there a few years ago so I thought I would one day attend her study during a visit with Lucy. Nine months a go I was surfing her website and learned she was coming to Chicago, I put it on my calender. During my spring bible study the leaders of our church asked for volunteers to help organize efforts of women who would be interested in attending. I was happy to help. During the training with her staff we were told of opportunities to help at the event, yes was my first thought. After I read the description of the jobs I chose "Encourager", which meant I would pray with women who felt move by the event to ask for encouragement. There would be a call to prayer and we would be waiting to place a hand on their shoulder and pray with them. I feel like I freshman prayer surrounded by master level women. That position allowed me to serve, not miss any of the event and get preferred seating.
That morning I had some minor set backs but I was so excited that I just smiled and stayed focused, the enemy was not going to win. During the morning training session I listened to the job description and started plotting how I could change jobs. I was convinced that I would be babbling like an idiot and turn those women away from the church. The trainer said God will pair you a woman that you can relate to, "trust me it works out that way".
I was seated in the fourth row behind the orchestra pit. When she appeared on stage it was like I was seeing an old friend. The title of the study was "Laws Of Kindness". She presented 8 steps of being kind. One step was "Don't Mistake Kindness for Weakness", it hit home because I had just sent an email with that title. I was a very difficult email to write, it took me 45 minutes and I only sent a few lines. I kept editing the message, my first thought was to go out of character and use harsh language but like Beth said I was conscience of the fact that our words can be passed on and on in the modern age and that is just not me.
There I was taking notes on my lap just like I have seen women do in so many DVD's. I tried to relax and take it all in, enjoy the moment. Travis Cottrell and the Praise Team opened the show, they were singing all the songs I have learned at church, my eyes filled with tears, I was home.
Just before our final break Beth called for women that felt the need for prayer to make their way down to one of the women in the blue vest, yikes that was me. I got very scared. I was not ready, I had no idea what I could say to women seeking the comfort of prayer. I thought about my bible studies when everyone closes the sessions in prayer and those women are rock stars, why had I volunteered for this task? I was thinking that since there were so many encouragers I may not get anyone in my line. I grabbed a hand full of tissues and I waited. It took sometime but as the worship team's singing filled the room with something good, the lines started forming and suddenly there was a woman headed toward me, help!
I asked her name and where she was from. Anita was from Ohio and had a friend standing behind her. She talked about being in an unhealthy relationship, wow, I know a little something about that considering my first marriage. I got nervous , forgot her name but asked her to repeat it then I started praying. At some point I mentioned Thaddeus and my separation from God. Suddenly I was using the tissues I had intended for my "customers". We were hugging because the music was very loud, amazing feeling. She sat down and there was no one in my line. I got more tissue and focused on the moment. Suddenly I was convicted about my relationship with my daughter and I started crying. As a mom we struggle at different times with all our children. A beautiful woman approached me, she was about my age, stylish and fit, age was all we had in common. She wanted me to pray for her 20 year old daughter Jessica who she feared was an alcoholic. Bingo! We started chatting and praying. Her daughter has traits like mine, type A, driven and doing well in school. She and Jessica had an open relationship, no secrets but with her 21st birthday approaching she feared that her daughter would soon hit bottom and maybe have an accident. I again used the tissue but offered her some first. I will never forget those women. A woman came to collect my blue vest and I made a joke about wanting to keep it, I had survived.
I went back to my seat to grab the gift I made for Beth, for 8 hours I was wrestling with how to get the gift to her or should I just mail it later. I was so moved by the moment I knew that I may never get such a time as this (Esther study) to express what she means to me. I stayed up until 2 am preparing a little compact and a letter. I spotted the trainer just before she closed the back stage area and told her I was losing my nerve but I really wanted Beth to have my gift. She was very sincere when she said she would make sure Beth got my gift.
If you love Jesus and know the bible go to Beth Moore Live, if you love Jesus and don't have a clue about the bible go see Beth Moore Live, if you don't have a personal relationship with God, go see Beth Moore Live. I have seen those Dead Heads in Grant park that give up their lives to travel with the Grateful Dead (I don't get it) but I could see how a person would want to be surrounded by that energy of thousands of women and "a few brave men" worshiping together. For years I wondered if she took multiple takes to get the perfect DVD presentation and after seeing her live I am convinced she has been anointed by God to lead bible studies, she's flawless and her message is God breathed.
My only regret was that I did not share the experience with a friend or family member, I will next time.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
"Let's Roll"
Next year the 10th anniversary of 9-11 will fall on a Sunday, that is no coincidence. We all have our stories of where we were and how that time was different from anytime in our recent memory. Today there are so many tributes to what took place that day but the most important monument has yet to be erected. I still find it unbelievable that those towers were not rebuilt stronger and taller as a message to our enemies that we are Americans and we can not be defeated by evil. I can only speculate why that area remains empty, is there so much pain tied to that day, are there so many groups passionate about what should be done that they are unable to work together. I believe that some leaders think we were asking for 9-11 because we are arrogant, capitalist, so proud of our country. Maybe they feel if we rebuild we are again asking to be a target. We were minding our business that day when nearly 3000 people left their homes and never returned. We need to accept that we can never appease evil groups that want to eliminate us just because we are free. If we don't rebuild we are still targets but we are also showing them that they won. Tod Beamer 's "Let's Roll" was a phrase that gave us chills, what happened to that feeling of nothing can keep us down. I pray that New York will be led by leaders that understand what those towers meant to the world. I pray that in 365 days we will be talking about the ground breaking ceremony of the new twin towers.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Greatest Country on Earth
This the day Americans can brag about our great country. We have been accused of being arrogant and boastful but on the July 4th we must shout from the roof tops and drape everything in red, white and blue. I need to clarify that I love the United States of America and I feel somewhat sorry for anyone who lives here and does that feel the same way. I cannot imagine waking up everyday in a place where I didn't feel special. I realized it was God's grace that I was born in this skin, to my parents and on this great land. Thank you Jesus.
I am a conservative but in my effort to explore all views I have searched up and down the radio dial for a different voice. Twice I have tuned into a black talk radio station and heard a host then a caller say "I don't know how black people can celebrate the 4th of July", I found myself yelling at the radio. I took history, I was glued to my TV for seven nights in a row when Roots was first aired so I know that black people were brought here against their will and enslaved for a long time. My ancestors helped to build this country, their blood was shed to gain equal rights to work, live and vote so why should I not celebrate. I understand that when the framers wrote the laws to establish this great country a black man was not considered a citizen or even a man so short of inventing a time machine and holding those people accountable what should black Americans do on the 4th of July. I celebrate all the ones who came before me and died so that I can live in The United States of America. It is my opinion that all the hard work was done by those who lived before me. They were in chains, hung from trees, spit on, made to sit in the rear, walked miles to vote and broke down barriers that I can never fully envision that's why I celebrate. I honor them by enjoying all this country has to offer.
I know our history is marred with the ugliness of racism and hatred. God puts my sins behind him and grants me grace. I forgive those slave owners, KKK members and all who fought to keep us down. Let's move on and enjoy the freedoms given to us by God and recognized by the men who wrote the Constitution. There are people willing to die just for our birthright, the chance to make it in America.
I get chills every time I hear The Star Spangled Banner and wish that God had given me a beautiful voice to sing, he did give me a heart that is fired up about glorifying his name and works. Our country is blessed because God was woven into the American foundation.
One of my family's favorite movies is Independence Day. That film is about regular folks who stood by soldiers and leaders against aliens that attacked our country. The fictional president strapped himself into a fighter jet to protect his people. I must compare Bill Pullman's character to our current leader who circles the globe apologizing and bowing down to world leaders. I want a president that will join the fight against those who mean us harm. If Obama were the president we would be speaking klingon.
I am headed to proudly walk in my local parade along side my neighbors and friends, see you there. Wave the flag high.
I am a conservative but in my effort to explore all views I have searched up and down the radio dial for a different voice. Twice I have tuned into a black talk radio station and heard a host then a caller say "I don't know how black people can celebrate the 4th of July", I found myself yelling at the radio. I took history, I was glued to my TV for seven nights in a row when Roots was first aired so I know that black people were brought here against their will and enslaved for a long time. My ancestors helped to build this country, their blood was shed to gain equal rights to work, live and vote so why should I not celebrate. I understand that when the framers wrote the laws to establish this great country a black man was not considered a citizen or even a man so short of inventing a time machine and holding those people accountable what should black Americans do on the 4th of July. I celebrate all the ones who came before me and died so that I can live in The United States of America. It is my opinion that all the hard work was done by those who lived before me. They were in chains, hung from trees, spit on, made to sit in the rear, walked miles to vote and broke down barriers that I can never fully envision that's why I celebrate. I honor them by enjoying all this country has to offer.
I know our history is marred with the ugliness of racism and hatred. God puts my sins behind him and grants me grace. I forgive those slave owners, KKK members and all who fought to keep us down. Let's move on and enjoy the freedoms given to us by God and recognized by the men who wrote the Constitution. There are people willing to die just for our birthright, the chance to make it in America.
I get chills every time I hear The Star Spangled Banner and wish that God had given me a beautiful voice to sing, he did give me a heart that is fired up about glorifying his name and works. Our country is blessed because God was woven into the American foundation.
One of my family's favorite movies is Independence Day. That film is about regular folks who stood by soldiers and leaders against aliens that attacked our country. The fictional president strapped himself into a fighter jet to protect his people. I must compare Bill Pullman's character to our current leader who circles the globe apologizing and bowing down to world leaders. I want a president that will join the fight against those who mean us harm. If Obama were the president we would be speaking klingon.
I am headed to proudly walk in my local parade along side my neighbors and friends, see you there. Wave the flag high.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Remember The Simple Things
I get so many great ideas while running. The other day I was running and one of my favorite romantic artist popped up. I know the standard R & B crooner is Luther Vandross, he is hands down the go-to-guy of romance but there are other options. There is one fellow who is smooth, subtle, direct and very sexy, James Ingram. I love, love, love "Find 100 Ways". He is so low key about keeping your woman happy. No fireworks, no outrageous demands just find 100 ways to make her happy. "If it is violins she wants, let them play", simple. I take this to mean look for the things she likes and remind her. He tells the man not to play it cool, that won't help you keep your love warm, find her some moonlight to wear. Some men think that Valentine's Day was invented by a female greeting card executive to make men buy gifts for women. I won't Google the origin but I would like to think it is a friendly nudge to couples not to take each other for granted as we carry on our day-to-day duties of work, kids and the million other things that occupy our minds. When you are a busy family that day may mean the husband and wife get a sitter, catch a movie or eat a meal that is not served in styrofoam, alone. It is great if you can afford to buy big ticket items, go ahead boost the economy but it means so much more just to spend quiet time remembering the attractions that brought you together in the first place. That reminds me of another James Imgram song, "How Do You Keep The Music Playing?", "how do you lose yourself to someone and never lose your way", that's deep. In closing, don't spend money on useless heart shaped items that will be on clearance 50% off on the 15th, keep in simple stupid, go for the heart strings, tell her you remember the movie when you shared a Coke for the first time.... Denzel Washington's Ricochet (1991) and I love going into Walgreens and buying the biggest box of chocolates, on the 15th.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Scott Brown - Liberalism Rejected
Happy Anniversary America! One year ago you put into office the first half-black president. Since that history making day it seems Obama's agenda was to keep making history by attempting to control every aspect of our lives. The Stimulus Package, bigger than ever, Cap N' Trade, and finally my favorite "The Mega Healthcare Bill".
Last night Massachusetts history was made. After a half a century of Kennedy family rule folks demanded a real "Change". Scott Brown is the little engine that could. Can you imagine having the nerve to think that you can compete against the Massachusetts Democratic Machine? The time was right for a conservative victory, after a long year of liberalism gone wild, they have been behaving like teens on spring break, no accountability.
To the casual observer a victory in a state so far away may seem unimportant, wrong. If the people in the bluest of states can reject liberalism in the birthplace of healthcare reform there is hope for us in states as far gone as Illinois. I love it when people think being a Republican or a conservatives means you don't care about poor people and just want to keep all your money for your own selfish desires. I love it even more when Democrats sell their money grubbing policies to the general population by promising only to tax the rich, the smokers, the gamblers, the bottle water drinkers, the fast food eaters and so on. Don't they get it that they are coming for them eventually too?
Who are these people without access to healthcare? I was 20 years old when I had Julian, without insurance. I did not go to a government plan to pay for my delivery, I went to Micheal Reese Hospital in Chicago. There we were given a payment plan and each visit we were suppose to make a payment. Our financial situation was unstable at best so we did not always have money to make a payment but each visit they took my blood pressure, measured my belly and sent me on my way. When it was time for delivery I have no idea how many payments I had missed but they still took the baby out and did not hold him for a payment. When the bills came we bought food and paid rent then sent the what was left to the hospital, we did not pay them first, I like eating. I share this because some might think I don't want universal care because I don't know what it is like not to have insurance, and that was not my last time we were without insurance. I know there are hard working people without insurance but don't get on national television and lie to America with stupid statements, "..every 10 minutes an American dies due to lack of healthcare". The 2 plans proposed still don't cover everyone but working people will be taxed long before they would go into effect.
It has been a year, so can we finally call it Obama's recession? Is the the Bush administration finally off the hook for everything Obama inherited? Yes maybe he left a mess but Obama made the choices of how to handle each problem. Obama begged for that job for 19 months and when got what he wanted he complained that he did not no how bad things were. I beg to differ, all throughout the campaign he outlined what Bush had done wrong and he was the only one smart enough to save us. To quote Obama's pastor Rev. Wright, "the chickens came home to roost", he made promises that were too great for any man to achieve. Today I heard a commentator say, "What do we know about Scott Brown?", oh now they want to check resumes, I said that for 19 months about Pres. Obama and when I pointed out obvious character issues I was told all politicians attend racist churches and mingle with unapologetic terrorist.
Dear President Obama,
Stop trying to make history, just limit government interference in our lives and protect us from those that wish us harm and you we will do the rest. History will be made.
Love,
The United States of America
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